This past Sunday I preached about forgiveness. Seeking or offering it can feel like having a huge weight lifted. Jesus said both are connected to our relationship to God. Yet, doing either can be very difficult. For all those reasons I want to recap a few of the insights and tips I shared on Sunday and add a few notes.
Jesus and Forgiveness
When Jesus' disciples asked him to teach them to pray he gave them the words to what we today call The Lord's Prayer. That prayer includes a phrase asking God to forgive us as we forgive others. Matthew's gospel goes on to quote Jesus as saying, "For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses" (Matthew 6:14-15). These verses highlight the possibility and the problem with forgiveness: I can receive it from God for whatever I've done (a life-altering possibility), but I have to offer it to others (a potentially paralyzing problem).
Offering Forgiveness
Recognizing what forgiveness is and isn't sometimes helps reduce the challenge.
Forgiving Isn't:
- Forgetting – the Bible says that when God forgives us God will not remember our sins (Isaiah 43:25 and Hebrews 10:17 which quotes Jeremiah 31:34), but the Bible does not command us to do that.
- Excusing – Forgiveness does not mean condoning or minimizing what has happened. The Bible connects Jesus' death on the cross with forgiveness, and that connection underscores the seriousness of both wrongdoing and forgiveness.
- Freeing from consequences – The Bible tells story after story of God's people experiencing the consequences of their sins even while God forgives them. Forgiveness, accountability, and consequences can all co-exist.
- Putting yourself in danger – sadly, some Christians have believed that forgiving domestic abuse, for example, requires the victim to remain in danger of further abuse. That is not the case. Perhaps some people see Jesus' torture and death on the cross as a sign that forgiveness requires being a victim. But the Bible makes clear that 1) Jesus freely chose to put himself in harm's way (John 10:17-18) and 2) Jesus' self-sacrifice served a purpose of saving others (Matthew 20:28).
- Liking the person – Jesus tells us to love our enemies and pray for those that persecute us, but loving isn't the same as liking (see the paragraph below about agape).
Forgiving Is:
- Agape / Loving the person – Jesus commands his followers to love others including enemies, but he uses the Greek word agape (which means good actions or at least respectful actions) rather than the word for good feelings. So, we don't have to like people we forgive, but we do have to love/agape them.
- Giving up punishment (but not consequences) – Because of Jesus' command to agape others, forgiveness and consequences can coexist, but forgiveness and punishment (doing things intended just to hurt the other person) cannot.
- Perspective – Forgiving involves seeing a person as more than just the wrong thing he or she did. This was a big lesson I took from Sunday's scripture (Luke 7:36-50) where the Pharisee seems only to see a sinner and nothing else. Jesus asks him, "Do you see this woman?" and proceeds to highlight other, non-sinful aspects of the woman's behavior.
- Hard work that requires God's help – When I read things like the short lists above or the beatitudes, a long list of Jesus' commands to his followers in Matthew 5, I quickly realize that I cannot live as Jesus wants me to live without his help, and so I pray for God's help.
Seeking Forgiveness
Sometimes we need to seek forgiveness from others. David Augsburger, a professor and Mennonite pastor that writes about forgiveness, says apologizing well helps open another person to forgiving. He gives these suggestions for a really good apology:
- Acknowledge what I did.
- Take responsibility for what I did and how it hurt the person. In other words don't make excuses and do show I know how my actions impacted the other person.
- Express sincere sorrow and regret.
- Promise not to do it again.
- Give the person I hurt the freedom to accept or reject my apology.
The Bible teaches that our wrong actions against others ultimately are sins against God. Psalm 51 provides a great model for acknowledging one's need for forgiveness from God and seeking it.
Finally, I'll leave you with 1 John 1:9: "If we confess our sins, he who is faithful and just will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness." This promises that God will forgive us if we acknowledge our need for forgiveness, and "cleanse us from all unrighteousness" is a promise that includes helping us to forgive others.
I hope you'll join us for Access worship on Sunday where we'll explore the "holy ground" of healing.
In Christ,
Rich
Rich Rindfuss
Access Pastor
First United Methodist Church Richardson