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Mar 1 2017

Twenty years ago next Wednesday my father-in-law rang a steeple bell in a small church in rural Ohio. That bell began an hour-long worship service that included hymns, communion, and Heather and I vowing our commitment to each other “until we are parted by death.” In the intervening years I’ve recognized 4 important things about God and faith and how they’ve helped our marriage endure.

#1 – Heather and I have practiced a greater commitment to God than to each other.

It was a little disconcerting the first time I heard Heather say, “I’m committed to God more than to you.” She very reasonably explained that I could be pretty hard to love at times. She may have offered specific examples. In any case I could see her point. She went on to explain that someday I might even do something impossible to love. And on that day she promised that she would remember the commitment she made to God to have and to hold me for better and for worse as long as we both shall live.

Having just discovered I wasn’t the center of my wife’s universe, I gathered all the dignity and sarcasm my bruised ego could muster and replied something like, “Well, fine. I’ll love God more than you too, and we’ll see how much you like it.” Twenty years in, we’ve both had opportunities not just to like it but to need it.

#2 – When we are who God wants us to be as spouses, marriage is awesome

Genesis 2:18 describes God’s desire for the first wife, Eve, to be to Adam “a helper as his partner.” Ephesians 5:25 tells husbands to “love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Both scriptures envision spouses as actively – even sacrificially in the case of the husband – supporting each other and enabling them to be and do things they couldn’t have alone.

It was just about one year into Heather’s and my marriage when I discerned God calling me into vocational ministry. Pursuing that call would change me in ways I couldn’t imagine at that point. It would make me a better man and a greater blessing to my family and others than I would have been otherwise. But in the short term, responding to that call would mean me leaving a lucrative career and both of us quitting our jobs, packing up everything we owned, and moving to a different part of the country for me to begin seminary.

I wouldn’t have entered the ministry if I had been single. It involved a lot of risk, and I don’t like risk. But I was married to a woman of faith, a helper and a partner. That newlywed woman said to me, “I believe God is calling you to do this, and I believe God is calling me to support you.” So we did it all – together. Heather has helped me be and do things I could have never done alone, and that is awesome. I hope maybe I’ve done a little of that for her too.

#3 – We’ve been lucky (maybe)

Over the years I’ve counseled spouses struggling in ways that Heather and I haven’t. On one hand we haven’t had these struggles, because we’ve been lucky. For example, before I proposed it never occurred to me that how two people make decisions can greatly increase or decrease marital struggles. With many people a “right” decision is the one that’s right relationally. It’s the right decision, because it builds and maintains the relationships of the people affected. For many others the right decision is the one that’s right rationally. It’s right, because it’s logical. I had never thought about how I evaluated the “rightness” of a decision before proposing to Heather, and I never wondered how she did it either. Luckily, we make decisions the same way. As a result even with tough decisions we’ve typically agreed on what would make the decision “right” and have avoided many struggles we might have otherwise had.

And yet, maybe it wasn’t luck primarily at play. Psalm 139 says that God has searched our thoughts and is acquainted with all our ways. God knew how we both approached decision-making. As Heather and I met, dated, and married, looking to God for guidance all along the way, maybe God deserves the credit for bringing together two decision-compatible people.

#4 – We’re just getting started

Near Heather’s and my 10th anniversary I bragged a bit on our accomplishment to an older couple in our church. They looked at each other and replied, “It’s a good start.” What did they mean, “a good start?” Yeah, I knew not to brag at 5 years, because many marriages make it that long but don’t endure. I even held off bragging at 7 years, because I heard about the “7 year itch” and didn’t want to get overconfident. But we had made it 10 years! Surely we had ironed out every relationship wrinkle and just had happily ever after to enjoy. “Rich, meet naiveté. Oh, never mind. I see you’re already acquainted.”

Our church community has mentored and encouraged Heather and me through the years of our marriage. I believe that wise couple was warning me not to take our relationship for granted. Divorced church members have shared painful memories of how things went wrong, how their actions contributed, and the lessons they’ve learned. And with great regularity the people of my church community have shared the things they appreciate about Heather and by doing so reminded me to be grateful too.

Happy anniversary, Heather. I love you.

In Christ,
Rich

Rev. Rich Rindfuss
Access Pastor
First United Methodist Church Richardson

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Mar 1 2017

A few months ago I made a change to my daily routine. I predicted it would connect me more personally to some of you. I didn’t predict it would reduce my time-consuming e-mails or remind me that some prayers work better than others. I switched to “high-bandwidth” communication.

Bandwidth more or less describes how much information can move from person to person. In the early days of connecting computers, low-bandwidth dial-up modems allowed text to move between people. Faster, higher-bandwidth modems enabled images. Higher bandwidth communication enabled both larger images with more colors and streaming audio. Even higher bandwidth communication enabled streaming video and then HD video. So here’s the high-bandwidth switch I made in my daily routine: I started writing fewer e-mails and making more phone calls.

I had forgotten how much more communication bandwidth the phone enables. In e-mail I get words and a few clues about the feelings behind the words from things like punctuation (and in theory from emojii except my eyes can’t really make out what the tiny little dudes are doing). In phone conversations I get tone and speed of voice, and real-time, two-way dialog where either of us can clarify what we’re saying or help each other find the right words.

I expected that moving to the higher-bandwidth communication of phone conversations would help me connect more personally to you who I’ve been calling, and it did, but it had other significant impacts too. It reduced misunderstandings, reduced the time I spent poring over the right words, eliminated many e-mails bouncing back and forth to question and clarify, and one more thing.

Quite a few of my phone calls resulted in you saying something like, “While I’ve got you on the phone let me share this big news” or “I wasn’t going to bother you, but since we’re talking…” We’ve been sharing celebrations and concerns and over-the-phone prayers that we probably wouldn’t have through the lower-bandwidth communication of e-mail.

If I’ve started to sell you on the idea of replacing some low-bandwidth e-mails with higher-bandwidth phone calls, let me also suggest trying higher bandwidth communication with God. Praying to ask for help connects you to God. Listening to a pastor read scripture connects you to God. Giving what you can spare of your money and time to participate in the ministries of the church connects you to God. But these are all low-bandwidth forms of divine-human interaction. Praying, “God, what do you want from me?” increases the bandwidth. Reading, studying, and praying over scripture increase the bandwidth. Committing consistent time and money first to the ministries of the church and using what’s left over for other parts of life increases the bandwidth of divine-human communication.

If all that sounds tougher than the alternative, I’ll offer that making phone calls initially sounded tougher to me than the e-mail alternative. Yet I discovered three things: it got easier with practice, it produced unexpected benefits for me, and it connected me far more deeply with the other party.

I hope you’ll join me for some super-high-bandwidth face-to-face communication this Sunday from noon-2pm in Mays Hall. It’s our first Access Launch Summit. We’ll eat, worship, and break into groups to discuss what sermon themes would be most relevant to you and to brainstorm how to make worship as engaging as possible when our morning services launch.

See you Sunday!
Rich

Rich Rindfuss
Access Pastor
First United Methodist Church Richardson

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Mar 1 2017

I love Sears. Whenever I go to the mall I park outside Sears just so I can walk through the Craftsman tools section. Not everyone likes it as much as I do. They don’t get the appeal of looking at wrenches, sockets, and screwdrivers and imagining the amazing projects that could be. If that’s you, it’s ok. I understand. No, I don’t really, but read on anyway, because this story is about more than tools.

Last winter while leaving Access I met a couple in the parking lot trying to change a flat tire and offered to help. An epic battle ensued. Man, woman, and pastor wielded sockets, ratchets, wrenches, jacks, and, yes, even a hammer against an entrenched enemy that resisted to the last lug nut. After several hours we stood victorious but not without casualties: a wrench that sacrificed its ratchet and a socket driver whose metal post was literally twisted off its body during the battle.

The next day I went to Sears, showed my fallen tool comrades, and asked about replacing them and heard these words I’ll never forget: “Just go pick out new ones – no charge.” I had heard stories about things like this happening, but that was back in my dad’s day. Surely Sears didn’t still do things like that. The whole time as I walked into the aisles to pick out a socket driver and ratchet I kept wondering where the catch would be. The closer I got to the checkout, though, the more my hope began to grow. Maybe this could be real. And then when it was, and I walked out of the store with brand new tools to replace the ones I had broken, all I could think was, “wow.”

I want people to experience our church like that. Like Sears, not everyone sees the innate appeal of church. Yet, I suspect that even they would have a “wow” reaction if they encountered certain things that seem too good to be true like acceptance as you are, undeserved forgiveness, and an encounter with the divine.

Will you help me create and maintain a church community like that? Whether at Access or sanctuary worship services, on-campus or off-, worshipping or serving, at church events or other places, will you give some unexpected acceptance or forgiveness? Because if you will, people will find in your actions a reflection of the divine character of God. Wow!

I hope you have a wonderful Labor Day weekend! If you’re in town I invite you to worship with me at any of FUMCR’s traditional services at 8:45, 9:45, or 11:00 on Sunday. And then don’t miss next week, Sunday, September 11th, when we’ll have a family-friendly Access worship and service event at the Richardson Civic Center at 1:30 pm!

In Christ,
Rich

Rich Rindfuss
Access Pastor
First United Methodist Church Richardson